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Joke of the Day

"If you ever take a bus and you don't stare out the window and pretend you're escaping your abusive mother, you're doing it all wrong."

"Did you hear about the guy who infected himself with the Zika virus? He wanted a little head."

"How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass? Irresistible"

"My friend really likes to have sex with people. I guess it's the teenage whoremones."

"[writing my first autopsy report] There was a slight mix-up initially but it turns out the guy died from an accidental autopsy"

"What is the opposite of an autist? A socialist."

"Why don't gay necrophiles like to talk about their pasts? Too many skeletons in their closets."

"What if ants aren't insects at all but are vehicles that even smaller insects drive to work?"

"I maintain a lifelong grudge against anyone at a restaurant who orders after me yet gets their food before me."

"Mountains ain't just funny... They are hill areas."