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Joke of the Day

"According to all these ""note to self"" sticky notes I am a very forgetful person also I have no idea what these notes mean"

"I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help."

"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it It was a shitzu"

"Did you know that trampolines used to actually be called jumpolines? That is, until 1982 when your mom got on one."

"The Flash series must be really good... ...too bad everything happens too fast."

"Where do poor Italians live? A spaghetto."

"A man's bread shop burnt down Now his business is toast."

"Job interview tip: Tell them you're not an applicant, you're an appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise."

"Hobos are like cats, they'll let you pet them until you stop feeding them cat food."

"I've been sleeping with my pocket knife these days... It fucking hurts!"