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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday my doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating. I asked, ""Why is that, doc?"" He replied, ""I'm trying to examine you."""

"I'm shocked... Turns out toasters aren't waterproof."

"Rosa Parks her ass on the bus seat"

"Oh, it's your ""birthday month?"" That's nice, grown adult. I hope you don't survive it."

"I'm sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You're gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn't crash."

"My goal for 2017.... ....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013"

"I just got LASIK done and I highly recommend it to everyone thinking about it. 20/20, would do again."

"Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they're getting insulted or complimented daily."

"What is Hilary Clintons favorite part about going to the beach? Her Flip-Flops."

"Allergy alert: This tweet may contain peanuts."