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Joke of the Day

"Last night my wife said that our bed had seen better days. She's right. When she stopped at her mum's last week, I had a threesome in it on Monday and Tuesday."

"If Donald Trump enacts a law saying baby strollers cannot be more than twice the width of the babies in them, I will vote for him in 2020."

"Wanna see new features on your TV that you never knew existed? Let a baby play with the remote for about 12 seconds."

"What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!"

"Did you hear Macklemore changed his name? He's Mackle-less now"

"Man: Lima is a capital city in South America. Woman: Peru-ve it!"

"A company in India is releasing the first-ever ""smart shoe"" that connects with Google Maps to track your footsteps. ""Merry Christmas,"" said your wife."

"Hey, Gandalf! What is it that bats can do but badgers can't? FLY, YOU FOOLS!"

"As an Asian male, I'm offended by the stereotype that we're bad drivers and have small penises. I am an excellent driver."

"Why did the french guy not help his friend fix a pipe? He said he would assister."