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Joke of the Day

"[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice"

"It's a plant shaped like an egg. EGGPLANT! It's a place where we make fire. FIREPLACE! Diving in the sky. SKYDIVING! Humans are creative."

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Why bother calling it?"

"9% Smarter Why are men 9% smarter after sex? They were plugged into a Genius."

"You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to ""sit""."

"What's a virgin's favorite Christmas song? ""Single Bells"""

"What do you get when you have seven dragon balls? Nothing! This is real life."

"My girlfriend always asks me to text her when I get in... That's how small my cock really is."

"I've made too many withdrawals from the spank bank... They tell me my count is getting low."