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Joke of the Day

"What do you call dirt? Dirty."

"Obama's announcement Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of ""U.S. Government"" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government."

"I went to a homeless themed fancy dress last night. It was shit.Fcuk all food or drink and we stood outside in the rain all night."

"How warm is the inside of a tauntaun? Luke warm"

"Why couldn't the man leave Moscow? He was Snowden."

"You know how after you get off a boat, your body still feels like it's on the boat for a while after? I'm like that with beds."

"I'll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?"

"Why did the ghost go into the elevator? To lift his spirits."

"What do you tell a worried guitar? Don't fret"

"The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won't be known as their ""worst regret"" when you break up."