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Joke of the Day

"Went out with a blind girl last night A blind girl was jerking me off last night, and told me I had the biggest dick she's ever felt. I told her she was pulling my leg."

"Starting chatting to a 14 year old girl online... Started chatting to a super sexy and flirty 14 year old girl online, and she just told me she's an undercover cop.... How fucking cool is that!"

"Chuck Norris checks his facebook on a typewriter."

"4yo: *shoots me with gun* *stuffs gun in my pocket* *runs away* Me: *Realizes he just made it look like a suicide* *keeping an eye on him*"

"The first rule is that any numbered list of rules will lead to a Fight Club reference. The second rule is that any numbered list of rules will lead to a Fight Club reference."

"What phrase do prostitutes and mafia members both say? You lookin to get whacked?"

"I have made nothing but horrible decisions ever since I had my wisdom teeth taken out."

"How can you pick out the prostitute in the miss America pageant. She's the one wearing the sash that says Idaho."

"I broke up with my gym We just weren't working out."

"I ate a tomato slice off the carpet. And some lettuce. And some bleu cheese bits. And mushrooms. I'm saying I dropped my salad on the floor."