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Joke of the Day

"Me: You ask so many questions that I want to stab a fork in my eye. Her: Why? Me: *stabs fork into eye*"

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"Anytime I go to the doctors I feel so ripped off. Whatever my complaint is, it's always the same damn advice: ""Lay off the methamphetamine."""
"Confucius say... Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night."
"Crack babies are really sad but meth babies are super productive."
"Elon Musk's new MasterCard Ad. Getting a person to Mars?: $100,000. Getting them back?: Priceless."
"Therapist: what's upsetting you? Wife: he's always using common phrases incorrectly Me: cry me a table, Linda"
"Hey chubby dudes rockin' tight polo shirts. Nope."
"Whatever, low battery indicator. You're not the boss of"
"Free will is good, but free pizza is better."
"Why did the mushroom have so many friends? He was a fungi."
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