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Joke of the Day

"Why do programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC."

"[zoo] ME: Haha...this one's face! WIFE: Tha- M [bangs on glass] W: Stop it M [pulls funny face] W [elbows me aside] So sorry, 2 tickets pls"

"Is it just me, or do toasters have like 4 settings too many? They should have 1 setting that reads: ""Toast"""

"Maybe Taylor Swfit dates Justin Bieber and John Mayer dates Selena Gomez and it's like matter/anti-matter and they all explode?"

"We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone."

"Friend: what has teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? Friend: my zipper Me: so what you are saying is your dick turns green when you get a boner?"

"If you sit on your hands 15 minutes before filling in an exam, it feels like somebody else is disappointing for your teacher. Edit: grammar"

"Where do hipsters get their water? From a well, actually."

"Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!"

"What Do You Call A Mexican From The Caribbean? A Carabiner"