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Joke of the Day

"Maybe Taylor Swfit dates Justin Bieber and John Mayer dates Selena Gomez and it's like matter/anti-matter and they all explode?"

"Yeah, if Albert Einstein is so smart then why is he dead?"

"Me: WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HERE IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME!! Him: Ma'am please just take your pizza."

"What is a blonde's mating call? ''NEXT!''"

"So I have these lesbian neighbors... They asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and then got me a watch. I think they misunderstood me."

"Hey guys I need some help. My assignment's asking how would humans function without their brain. I can't think of anything..."

"my girlfriend's family is quite religious. i remember first time we stayed at her parents's house. but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. which is a shame because he is so attractive."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."

"ME: *pulling up my pants* What's the prognosis, Doc? DOCTOR: You've got cancer. ME: WHAT?! DOCTOR: Haha. Jk. I'm not a doctor."

"The worst part of going to church with my family is when we get caught on the Kiss Cam."