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Joke of the Day

"My boss said to ""treat customers like you treat your mother"", so I haven't answered my phone in a month and I have 74 unheard voicemails."

"Bugs Bunny turns 75 today. Now when he says ""What's up, Doc?"" he's legitimately concerned."

"How do you make a holy water? Put it in a pot and boil the hell out of it."

"""Age is just a number."" ""Yeah? Jail is just a room."""

"Say what you want about paedophiles. At least they drive slow in school zones."

"Two people who like the same things will be good friends but two people who hate the same things will be best friends"

"[First Date] Me: I can't believe we're on a date! It's not cause my fathers rich is it? Him: No. He's very handsome too Me: CHECK PLEASE"

"At Dunkin Donuts- 8: Can I get choc. milk? Me: We have that at home. 8: We have coffee at home too... Me: WHO TAUGHT YOU LOGICAL THINKING?!"

"The thing about the holocaust is... It was the experience of a lifetime."

"[in a mosh pit] why is everyone so upset"