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Joke of the Day

"If one horse is in the corral, running around the perimeter of the fence,and another horse is running free in a field, which one is singing, ""Don't Fence Me In""? Neither. Horses can't sing."

"BERNIE: all people deserve to be treated equally HILLARY: the oposite of ""bernie sanders"" is ""soakey waterers"" BERNIE: ... HILLARY: pls fav/rt"

"What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo? One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of."

"Who's the roundest knight at King Arthur's court? Circumference."

"I read the Constitution... ...but only for the articles."

"To screw in a light bulb, how many Yodas does it take?"

"How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown? Eh... It's tso-tso."

"A teacher asked her students to use the word ""beans"" in a sentence... ""My father grows beans,"" said one girl. ""My mother cooks beans,"" said a boy. A third student spoke up, ""We are all human beans."""

"Getting a text from someone when I'm trying to tweet is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web."

"I'll do anything to prove I'm not lazy. I'll go the whole three yards."