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Joke of the Day

"Why did the TV execs decide not to create a new reality show about philosophers? Because it would only be for a Neitzsche audience"

"I need a new job. One where I'm always running out the door with my arms flailing and holding a jar screaming ""I GOTTA GET THIS TO THE LAB!"""

"One of the worst things about tweeting while driving is all of the people that seem to appear out of nowhere on the sidewalk."

"oh i'd definitely choose flight over invisibility. i'd fly everywhere! to the living room, the bedroom. back to the living room. everywhere"

"Cop: What is your line of business? Me [mumbling]: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening."

"Water is so good when it's mixed with barley, hops, and yeast."

"[finally rich enough to go to a tailor] ""How can I help you sir?"" One clothes please!"

"I finally got tinder And after a few matches, I was able to start a campfire."

"Jesus' crucifixion was a success... They totally nailed it!"

"What's 7 inches and makes women submissive? A knife."