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Joke of the Day

"My running tights are giving me a mean camel toe. I'm going to wear my ""Mind the Gap"" t-shirt to the gym"

"What do you call a police officer that stays in bed all day underneath the blankets? An undercover cop!"

"""Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."" Me, to my empty bag of Oreos."

"Everybody knows about Trumps reality show, ""the Apprentice."" But, did you know about Hillary's show? ""the Biggest Loser."""

"i tried to share a hilarious pun with my kids but they had turned on dadblock plus"

"Positive people are less of a person They are missing electrons."

"Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia... He died last year."

"[me narrating a documentary about the pyramids] I really want a Toblerone for some reason."

"On Average, ovulating women prefer rugged & masculine men. Menstruating women prefer men duct-taped and on fire."

"Whenever I see a couple with a significant height difference, I always picture them doing it."