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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy that got shot in the back of the head in a movie theater? He was sitting in front of pee wee herman."

"Why is Santa always so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls are."

"What do you call a parrot that flew away? A polygon!"

"Mom is coming to town. I get three full days of mouthing apologies to waiters."

"Don't joke about 9/11. My father died that day. I clearly remember what the last words he said to me were. ''Allahu Akbar''"

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 14 years."

"I'm not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn't looking, I can turn water into Sprite."

"I Sir Ender declare war on ... wait wait we surrender"

"Which rapist was a famous mathematician? Bill cos(b)"

"Reduce stage fright with a little vodka before the show. Bring enough vodka for everyone, and you won't even have to perform."