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Joke of the Day

"A guaranteed way to make a hormone... Don't pay her..."

"There's no way the Ninja Turtles would have those ripped abs. You can't do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me I've tried."

"Q: What do you call Robin Hood's mother? A: Mother Hood."

"My wife wants me to make her scream in the bedroom. The 32 lego pieces & 6 upturned plugs, I've strategically placed, should do the trick."

"My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner."

"Who is the fastest runner in history. Adam - because he was the first in the human race."

"I don't have shower thoughts. They're against my religion. I'm a Bathtist."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You wouldn't know. You weren't there..."

"16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'"

"Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example."