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Joke of the Day

"[at restaurant] ""check, please!"" [waiter leans over] sir, again, there are no monsters under the table ""ok....goodnight"" wait what"

"It was my five year old daughter's school play last night. I haven't enjoyed myself so much in years! I didn't go."

"Do you know why I pulled you over? ""Yes, because I was driving a motorized toilet."" I meant this time ""Oh. No."" Please step out of the oven."

"I think my blind girlfriend just broke up with me She said she wanted to see other people."

"I hate church I hated church when I was a child, with all the standing and kneeling and sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me."

"What's Jesus' Favourite gun? A nailgun"

"What's the hardest part about rollerblading? Telling your parents you're gay."

"What does Spock sing in the shower? I'll stop the world and meld with you!"

"How do gay man cry? They don't, that would be counterintuitive."

"Two peanuts were walking down the street One was assaulted"