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Joke of the Day

"Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house."

"I got a letter from the bank saying I was still in debt. I don't know why, I sent them a cheque."

"Other girls think they are quirky because they pet dogs at parties. I on the other hand, fear death but also long for it"

"Why do they evacuate women and children first? You can't fix shit with all that screaming and crying. (**Yes, you can evacuate people.** Check #2 here: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/evacuate)"

"United States once again votes for a minority President! Donald J Trump is believed to be the first orange President to be elected in the history of the United States."

"What did the five fingers say to the phallus? ""FAP!!!"""

"Cashier: what's with all the pineapple juice? Me: *winks* -Spends the night making delicious umbrella drinks with my cat."

"A Joke for all the Arabic speakers out there Why did the Saudi restaurant get in trouble? They put the Umm Ali next to the Baba Ghanoush."

"Why did the competitive deep-sea diver lose the big competition? He couldn't handle the pressure."

"I got a new couch... ...wasn't sure how comfortable it would be, but sofa so good!"