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Joke of the Day

"Cashier: what's with all the pineapple juice? Me: *winks* -Spends the night making delicious umbrella drinks with my cat."

"A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells ""You should have been here at 8:30!"" he replies: ""Why? What happened at 8:30?"""

"It's been discovered that protons have mass. Which is odd because I didn't even know they are Catholic."

"Him: Can you forgive me? *mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is* Me: Yes, but I'm really hurt so please give me time."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, ""First offender?"" She replied: ""No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."""

"How does a **real** man know when a woman is having an orgasm? Who gives a fuck?"

"Helium walks into a bar and orders water. The bartender apologises, ""sorry sir we are out of water"" ... It doesn't react"

"There were two peanuts walking down the street... ...and one was assaulted peanut."

"How come north Carolina is the bluest state? Raleigh scattering"

"Someone asked me the other day, ""What's with those clogs you keep wearing?"" I replied, ""Wooden shoe like to know."""