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Joke of the Day

"Filled the tank up with petrol today. Now all the fish are dead."

"What's the worst part about 9/11? getting your reddit jokes downvoted 14 years later because everyone is a crybaby cunt"

"What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny? Rabbit up nicely it's a gift!"

"no, no-- i'm pro-life only until the baby is born. after that the baby must exist in a hellworld of preventable disease and gun violence"

"[my first day as a financial investor] ""I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"""

"My ex got drunk and left me at a bar so I called the police and reported a drunk driver.. #topahole"

"Why couldn't the physicists change the lightbulb? Too much work."

"""Hi I'm looking for a birthday card for my mom's sister"" *hands you an extremely small card* ""WHAT IS THIS A CARD FOR AUNTS"" Yes ""Perfect"""

"Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties."

"Have you heard the one about the ceiling fan? Oh, it's over your head."