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Joke of the Day

"Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties."

"Mickey Mouse divorces Minnie Mouse ""Mickey Mouse, it says here that you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she was.... extremely silly? ""No, I said she was fucking goofy."""

"When someone yells ""Fire!"" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep"

"Why aren't jokes in base 8 funny? Because 7, 10, 11."

"What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other unemployed cancer cell? Let's get Jobs. Found in the comments of a /r/til post by /u/laurelwraith"

"A guy is at the doctors... The doctor tells him ""we're gonna need a stool sample, urine sample and a semen sample."" The guy says ""Doc, I'm kinda in a hurry, can't you just take my underwear?"""

"What does R. Kelly say to his kids when they do something bad? Urine trouble"

"What do you call a little Mexican? A paragraph, because he's not quite an essay."

"And the award for worst sentence I've ever read, ""Kid Rock apologized for smoking a cigar at a non-smoking Travis Tritt concert in Detroit."""

"I went to church today just to thank God I'm not Miley Cyrus."