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Joke of the Day

"Did Ilean ever get in touch with you? ""Ilean who?"" I lean over and you kiss my ass!"

"The world has gotten so politically correct that I don't know what is appropriate to throw at a crying baby in a restaurant anymore."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves? Russel."

"It's amazing the little things you learn about your kids as they grow everyday. For example today I learned my 3yo is kind of a mean drunk."

"A chinese couple had a black baby They named it ""Sum Ting Wong""."

"Turns out cops get really pissed if you slip out of your handcuffs even if you say ""Ta-Da"" when you do."

"What did the vet say about the maimed donkey? Wow, that ass sure took a pounding"

"HER: You almost ready to go to my mothers? ME: *looking out window wondering if the jump will only break a leg & not kill me* Be right down."

"Next time you let someone here affect your real life, tell a stranger ""I'm mad at some online person I've never met"" then let them punch you"

"What's the difference between ten dead hookers and the stuff in my basement? Nothing."