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Joke of the Day

"- Police, open the door. - What do you want? - We just wanna talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - Well just talk to each other."

"I used to have an invisible pencil I really didn't see the point of it."

"What do you call a person who calls themselves gay when they mean happy? A homophony."

"All of my suspicions are sneaking around."

"I used to steal identities... You people are so boring I ended up returning them."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Beef ! Beef who ? Beef fair now !"

"Me: oil change plz Toyota: it'll be $39 Me: cool heres my $2 off coupon 4 hrs later T: ur steering wheel fell off total is $2900 sign here"

"""Rogue One"" idea: The spies anxiously wait to meet their new commander. Boldly - regally - he strides into the room. ""Mesa Jar-Jar Binks"""

"When a man falls asleep next to me, I like to sniff his arm pit. Then he usually gets mad, I have to ride a different bus, it's a big mess."

"X-post from r/jokes: ""Hey! The dog you sold me yesterday just fell over and died today!"" ""Huh, strange. He's never done that before."""