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Joke of the Day

"When a man falls asleep next to me, I like to sniff his arm pit. Then he usually gets mad, I have to ride a different bus, it's a big mess."

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"- do u like green eggs & ham? - i do not like them, sam i am - but why? - animal agriculture leads to global warming sam read a goddamn book"
"[Airport security] Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs. Guard: Remove your shoes"
"Did you know that Helen Kellet was born near Troy, Alabama? I guess that's why they called her ... yhe little deaf girl who couldn't see neither"
"How to sports: - Take a ball - Put it someplace someone else doesn't want you to put it - Congratulations you've now sportsed"
"What do two cousins say after they have sex? Roll Tide."
"When I want to cheat on my diet I buy food at Traitor Joe's."
"""Don't kid yourself."" - birth control"
"The Counselor was talking to the campers about safety. She said 'Don't climb any trees. If you fall down and break a leg don't come running to me!'"
"My doctor said I have about a month left. So I stabbed him. The judge gave me ten to fifteen years. Crisis averted."