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Joke of the Day
"MAN: See my tattoo? It says ""Only God can judge me."" GOD: That shirt with those pants?"
Next Joke
"What do men and pizza have in common? That you call them and in 10minutes you have them h..."
"I thought I would have to kill my bitch of a wife, but then she suffocated on saran wrap. I was so Glad."
"I just voted for Pluto to be a planet again."
"My physicist gf told me she loves me to the moon and back .... I don't know if she was referring to the Distance or Displacement."
"Women expose 90% of their body when wearing a bikini Men are nice enough to only look at the covered parts"
"*deletes embarrassing drunk tweets *tweets embarrassing sober ones"
"My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba."
"What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away? Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit."
"What's better than swinging a dead baby around a tether pole? ... ... stopping it with a shovel"