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Joke of the Day

"What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away? Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way last night."

"[math class] How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet? ""By crawling to the counter?"" GET OUT"

"I won the prize for laziest person a live... I got a-trophy"

"How do you know when your sister's on her period? NSFW When your dad's dick tastes like blood."

"""President Clinton, can you respond to rumors of renewed infidelity?"" The only woman in my life is my darling *squints at notecard* Hitlery"

"You know football is a big sport... ...now that you can buy hair gel that gives you the ""Messi look""."

"Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake. Woohoo! I'm making these up!!"

"Anything related to Halloween doesn't scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising."

"According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me."