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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor's facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning."

"Your Honor, I would like to cite the legal precedent of Mothra v Godzilla."

"My mum likes mixing drinks But I have no idea why she wanted me to put vodka in cider."

"What greek letter is always sad? Psi..."

"Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them."

"The other day, my friend told me I didn't know what ""irony"" meant... Which was ironic, because I didn't."

"My life is like a romantic comedy expect there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes"

"Why did Jesus quit playing hockey? He kept getting nailed into the boards"

"Half Life 3 was going to be released several years ago... ...But the voice actor for Gordon Freeman was supposed to announce it, and no-one can find him."

"What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed-wire fence? Udder destruction!"