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Joke of the Day

"Why are all the users of Ashley Madison worried about their emails leaking? They will be millionaires when the Nigerian princes finish downloading the file."

"I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up."

"What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!"

"I needed a password eight characters long... ... so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

"ME (drunkenly picking a fight with a cake): get out my face you jerk CAKE: hey pal you wanna piece of me?!? ME: ok wow now I'm conflicted"

"Helped a homeless guy move today... I picked up his vomit and threw it across the street."

"Tickling my girlfriend and having sex with my girlfriend are kind of the same thing. She is always laughing at me and telling me to stop"

"Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with ""If you're reading this, I'm already dead."""

"Caught my wife in bed with a guy, says he's here to fix this wobbly wood bed frame. It seems legit, his Carpenter jeans are on the Floor."

"No One Understands Me I'm a barefooter, so no one can walk a mile in my shoes."