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Joke of the Day
"I dreamed... I dreamed I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted."
Next Joke
"Pedophile pulls up next to a kid and says ""Hey little boy, come in my car and I'll give you a lollie"" kid says ... ""Give me the whole bag and I'll come in your mouth"""
"(This one is better said than read)... What do you call a fish with no eyes?... ...a ***Fsh!!***"
"Most hookers don't give a fuck because it's much more profitable to sell a fuck."
"What did the tailpipe say to the muffler? I'm exhausted. What did the muffler say back? ^mmmmbfmbm"
"[First day as a superhero] Oh hell yeah! *sees a crime happening* Already? Ok... *the bad guy looks really mean* Umm, I'll get the next one"
"For the first time ever I find Hillary relatable. I'm not president either."
"If you go to an animal shelter and ask for a cat, they get really upset if you play them like a guitar and scream ROCK YOU LIKE A FURRICANE."
"Wife: You act like a child with that phone. Me: Child? I'm a grown ass man. Wife: Let me see your phone. Me: No. *snatches phone Me: MINE"
"Why is it not a good idea to send cats to Mars? Because Curiosity would kill them!"