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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the ticket to get into a giant space station shaped like a vagina? A cunt-astro-fee!"

"What's the difference between Bono and Jesus? Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono."

"How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?"

"Do you ever put an orange in your beer? Once in a Blue Moon"

"The way my dog maintains eye contact while taking a dump is unsettling. Can't he read a magazine like a normal dog?"

"If I had a million dollars i'd pay to have sex with your mum and i'd probably invest the other $999,990"

"Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way."

"I don't like my doctor who was incredibly offensive today... ... All I asked her was how I was supposed to take the suppositories she prescribed."

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef."

"What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !"