23948

Joke of the Day

"I listened to my friend and bought an air filtration unit now it's just collecting dust in my basement."

"You know you're ugly when... someone hands you the camera for a group picture and you still break the lens."

"Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room? Because it was More ER Tea."

"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet."

"What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got Fat"

"The teacher asked Jimmy ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"""

"Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled? It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP"

"Her: We have rats! Me: We do? Her: Look something gnawed thru this package of cookies! Me: (wipes crumbs from my mouth) I'll buy traps."

"I'll bet the lady on this bus can't fart. She'd never shut up long enough to build the required pressure."

"An Ethiopian dance party Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling ""Put you hands in the air like you just don't care"""