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Joke of the Day

"I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. ... .... It's a whisk I was willing to take."

"With the announcement of Pence as Trump's running mate, it reminds me of a man running. With a dick out in front, and an asshole behind him."

"Customer: Can someone else serve us? Me:? C:I don't want my children exposed to the sin of your tattoos. M: Satan wants their tiny souls."

"A redneck broke up with his girlfriend it wasn't all that bad, she said they could still be cousins."

"Did you hear about the man that slept on corduroy pillow? No? I'm surprised, it made headlines!"

"On a scale from 1 to 10 I tell people they're an 11. It's a fun way to let them know they don't exist and they take it as a compliment."

"A Joke I Thought Up in Stats Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%? It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!"

"Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!"

"I always eat what's put in front of me... ...and that's why I'm no longer allowed to be a gynaecologist."

"You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me."