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Joke of the Day
"Me: But babe, my doctor said I can't have sex after giving birth. Babe: She's 11.."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay 100 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."
"What's the difference between a red bucket and a green spade One is a red bucket and one is a green spade."
"This chick on Instagram posts so many pictures of her boyfriend I feel like I'm dating him."
"Excuse me while I go slip into something more alcohol."
"I don't mind your bad kids running around if you don't mind me tripping them."
"[I open my lunchbox to find a copy of the Magna Carta] But that means... [cut to British Library patrons thoughtfully examining a Capri Sun]"
"My brother used to think the suicide lane is for committing suicide. He only made the mistake once though"
"Bought 17 a fanny pack for back to school to delay my becoming a grandfather too early."
"A photon checks into a hotel... ...and the bellhop asks ""can i help with your luggage?"" The photon replies ""I don't have any. I'm traveling light."""