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Joke of the Day

"Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them."

"Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories."

"What do you call a vagina with Parkinson's? [oc] Michael J. Box"

"Plunging... ...is like performing CPR on your toilet."

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gag"

"What did god say when he created the first black man? fuck you"

"Just played the new Hillary Presidency Simulator I don't know why it's called Fallout 4 though."

"I never did understand why the ball was getting bigger but then it hit me"

"Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up. Harry: Do you think so? Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!"

"So I accidentally sent nudes to everyone in my address book. Worst part about it? Cost me a small fortune in postage stamps."