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Joke of the Day

"If you look in your bathroom mirror & say ""Donald Trump"" 3 times, the hair in your shower drain rises up & starts yelling racist slurs."

"There's a gay rights group suing the tobacco companies. Because they only sell straight-cut chew."

"In the future, people won't ask for a cup of sugar... Instead, they'll ask for a gigabyte of sug.rar"

"What Not To Upvote Clickbait"

"""Five year plan?"" [shuffles papers] ...written down here somewhere ... Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper"

"My life would be so much easier if i wasn't intelligent enough to realize how fucking stupid some people are."

"I took a really sloppy poo today... My ass was wiped more times than Ian Watkins' search history"

"Well my father always told me, ""when life gives you lemons, chances are you're in the fruit aisle and shouldn't overthink the situation Edit: words"

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"Man walks into a bar with a giraffe The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor. The bartender says, ""Aye, what's that lyin' there?"" The man says, ""It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"""