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Joke of the Day

"Pro Tip: you can't just be sorry. You have to understand why I expect you to be sorry and be able to articulate that back to me in detail"

"An awesome person fills you with awe, which stands to reason that a handsome person will fill you with hand."

"I'm not the hero Gotham deserves. I'm Pete I work at Subway. Do u want extra meetballs."

"What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together? It wood rock."

"S/O to side walks, my legs, elevators, my arm, and my eyes For keeping me off the streets, helping me to stand up for my self, picking me up when I'm down, giving me a hand and showing me the light."

"Being Bipolar sucks... I love it"

"Why is North Korea so depressing? Because it ain't got no Seoul."

"A fun thing to do is to tell a complete stranger that you met your boyfriend on Twitter and then show them a cat."

"perfume should come with instructions like on medicine: Dab LIGHTLY on pulse points Do NOT marinade in event of overdose take shower"

"A photon walks into a hotel... and the desk clerk says, ""can I help you with your luggage?"" The photon responds, ""no thanks, I'm traveling light."""