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Joke of the Day

"Pro Tip: you can't just be sorry. You have to understand why I expect you to be sorry and be able to articulate that back to me in detail"

"You know what would be a good name for a cocaine delivery service company? Instagram"

"What's the biggest moth in the world ? A mammoth !"

"I love playing ""Army men"" with my Girlfriend I just lay on the ground an she blows the hell outta me"

"What's black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee you racist fuck."

"Don't judge me because I like 80's music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans."

"Two goldfish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says: ""You man the guns, I'll drive"""

"Texted Mom a question & she didn't answer right away. I'm going to send 4 more texts & 3 voicemails to give her a taste of her own medicine."

"If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm"

"""I need to get laid man!""nn- eggs (in the chicken)"