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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a blind deer? No eye-deer. What do you call a blind, dickless deer? No fucking eye-deer. What do you call a blind, dickless, quadruple amputee deer? Still no fucking eye-dear."

"KFC Team Member: Anything else? Me: More gravy please, I'll say when [several hours later] KFC TM: WE'RE GONNA DROWN M: I didn't say when"

"[2018] ALIEN: take me to ur leader ME: uh ok *takes him to president Donald Trump* ALIEN: lol good one but seriously where's ur real leader"

"Love is like a machine... ...sometimes you just need a good screw to fix it."

"My head is throbbing, maybe i have amnesia nah, I don't remember hitting my head"

"Nothing screams passive agressive quite like letting your spouse sleep in, while also letting the kids play loudly outside the bedroom door"

"Really no offense ladies,but why do all of you go on about your weight..then post all this food that would clog and artery..."

"Someone should write a book where the character slowly falls in love with the reader."

"Why is Texas not a part of Mexico? Because Oklahoma sucks so much"

"""Is that a banana in your pocket or you just happy to see me?"" *Pulls out smart car"