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Joke of the Day

"""Is that a banana in your pocket or you just happy to see me?"" *Pulls out smart car"

"Nice try ""blocked number"", but I don't even answer the phone for people I know."

"How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian."

"What do they call a whore's fart? A Prosti-Toot"

"Behind every engineer in jail.... Is an Architect."

"Hey babies, I can do 12 push-ups. Impressed? Doap. Typo, meant babes. Impressed? No? Oh. Well then. Impressed babies?"

"My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me."

"(gym) Me: *tries to lift dumbbell *drops it Trainer: COME ON! IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY! Me: I know, it's just this KFC grease making it slip"

"Squirrels before girls."

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a buck ninety-nine, but deer nuts are always under a buck."