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Joke of the Day

"I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers."

"How does a vagina tell time? With a twatch"

"I just flew in from Phoenix... Boy are my arms tired No seriously, I was jacking off the entire plane ride home"

"Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed space."

"Never Go Shopping When You Are Hungry. but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier."

"A tearful Ray Romano raises the gun to his temple. 'not everybody' he whispers 'not everybody'"

"Two fat Scottish sounding women in my bar tonight... ""Hey, are you two from Scotland?"" I asked. ""It's WALES you fucking idiot,"" one yelled. I apologized, ""Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"""

"'Dances with Wolves'... But it's just me, running around my backyard with an uncooked steak, screaming, while the neighborhood dogs bark."

"""I had the worst Cruise ever."" - Katie Holmes"

"If Obama was really Kenyan he would have won the race by now."