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Joke of the Day

"I don't need a panic room; I can panic perfectly fine anywhere."

"The fact that crocodile ate your enemy, does not make him your friend."

"So my wife walked in on me blowdrying my crotch... And asked me what I was doing. ""Just warming up breakfast for you, honey."" First post, hope I'm doing this right."

"If I ever move to Nazareth I'm going to open a cheese shop. It'll be called Cheeses of Nazareth."

"[interrogation] ""What do you do for a living?"" ""Kidnapper."" ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] ""I'm a pig rapper. I make farmyard hiphop."""

"What do you call an Ewok who just ate pancakes? A sticky Wicket."

"Kardashian How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. They just hold it up because the world revolves around them."

"Like my Uncle always told me, if at first you don't succeed... keep sucking until you do suck seed."

"Two men walk into a bar.... The third one ducks."

"A friend said he couldn't come to my party because he has diarrhea. I don't believe him, I think he's full of shit."