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Joke of the Day

"to my beautiful son i leave a wealth of valuable golden coins, sprinkled throughout super mario 3d world, redeemable for extra in-game lives"

"What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl? A cock that stays up all night."

"Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes? A: No eye-deer."

"The kids are asking why I'm wearing sunglasses in the house today. Spiked their morning OJ with vodka so we are on the same page."

"Someone once said, there's safety in numbers.... Tell that to 6million Jews.. And a four man SS-squad."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day."

"What did the dyslexic chemist do? He drank H20, too!"

"At the motel: Front Desk: And here's your key card sir .. Me: I'd like a wakeup call. FD: You're 20 lbs. overweight and your fly's open."

"If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?"

"How is being a Jew like eating a burrito? It's really not a problem until they give you gas."