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Joke of the Day

"A cabbage walks into a bar wearing a red leaf. The bartender takes one look at it and asks another patron how they feel about the cabbages bold new look. The patron replies, ""I think it's ridic yo."""

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"If your bathroom mirror doesn't look like a Jackson Pollock painting, you're not flossing right."
"I want to study... the area below your curves... It is integral."
"What's better than winning the Special Olympics? Not being special."
"Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings? Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats."
"I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site... But when I got home, all the signs were there."
"Bee. The reason he needs an epi pen."
"Me: So if I call Canada it's billed as international? Phone rep: Yes. Cuz Canada is a country. Me: You should hear how ridiculous you sound."
"Capitalization is important. NSFW Capitalization is the difference between ""I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse."" and ""I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."""
"People who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still update their MySpace profiles."