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Joke of the Day

"Went to ""The Social Network."" I ran into people I didn't like in high school and they kept showing me pictures of their kids."

"What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles!"

"Two buddies are working a job together John calls to tell Rick he can't make it today because he cut his dick in two. Now they're both half staffed."

"Time to buy a new car, a bigger TV, a better cell phone and a faster laptop so I'll finally be happy! (Repeat over and over until you die)"

"A guy I work with farted on the elevator... It was wrong on so many levels."

"My wife is a sex object I ask for sex, she objects"

"Manute Bol walks into a bar And says ""The highballs are on me!"""

"What's the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"

"I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something."