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Joke of the Day

"A guy's ego."

"Why were Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul so good in Breaking Bad? They were meth-od acting."

"Man plus woman Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage"

"When the pilot says, ""This is your captain speaking,"" I like to brush the hair from his eyes and whisper, ""This is your passenger listening"""

"Prostitution work laws If a hooker gets pregnant, can she file compensation for an on the job ""accident""?"

"I got my dog a tinder... He loves chasing pussy"

"Professor i'd like an extension on my paper. why? well my ex just got married & i have to comment ""lame"" on all her wedding pics on facebook"

"Two fish are in a tank... When one fish says, ""How do you drive this thing?"""

"[throwes some foam packing peanuts into a pond] ""HEY! NO LITERING--"" shh wait [a flock of rubber duckies float over squeaking excitedley]"

"Me: *gazes into his eyes* Him: *sweats* M *winks* H: I'm kinda uncomfortable M: But this is love H: It's my job to fill liquor orders, ma'am"