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Joke of the Day

"""LOL what if our packaging was totally easy to tear open...unless you had a cut finger?"" --Band-Aid makers, seriously, f those guys"

"TIL that in some states, graffiti vandals are fined $100-200 per letter. So if you make a whole bunch of letters, you could end up with a hefty sentence."

"What's the difference between Michael j. Fox and an earthquake? Earthquakes stop shaking"

"I got my foot in the door, my head in the game, and my ass in gear. I'm one motivational tape away from a hospital admission."

"Turkish fundraising dinner Donor Kebab"

"Did you know that you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks = girl ant. If it floats = buoyant."

"If I put a cheddar cheese stick in a pencil sharpener Will it come out sharp or shredded?"

"My wife and I have lost over 150lbs combined!!! ...hustling British casinos wasn't as easy as we'd hoped."

"BOSS: There's limited parking at the event so we are going to carpool ME (pulling a pair of floaties out of my desk drawer): oh hell yeah"

"""and this blood shall be called A+"" all the other blood types: ""k wow we're like right here"""