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Joke of the Day

"Worrying does you no good. Or does it? What if it does? Can anyone confirm this? Maybe email me in case I have bad reception?!"

"My kid can build an entire city with a stick & a bale of hay in Minecraft but you ask him to load the dishwasher & suddenly he's brain dead"

"when I see a Facebook relationship status 'it's complicated' I imagine love through wormholes over tens of thousands of years, alien biology"

"I got out of bed this morning and decided it was time to turn it around. So, I did a 180 and went back to bed."

"I wanna be rich enough to have 11 midgets who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast"

"I call my bedroom the place where the magic happens' because it's where I make my self-respect disappear."

"My favorite book is a Stephen King novel... but you've probably never heard of It"

"Job interview tip: Tell them you're not an applicant, you're an appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise."

"Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him."

"I tried to get an hourglass figure... ...but then I realised it would just be a waist of time."