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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him."

"The other day my dessert looked like it was undressing me with it's eyes... It was a total crepe."

"Wanna impress me iTunes? Let me download a motherfucking pizza."

"Why is PMS called PMS? Is it because Mad Cow Disease was taken?"

"I live in a bizarre future where a featureless black slab suddenly starts glowing in order to inform me that the world likes my jokes"

"[helping son prepare for first date] ""what if she doesn't like it"" *stuffing handkerchiefs up son's sleeve* be confident in your magic, son"

"How do you know when your best friend is gay? [NSFW] His dick tastes like shit."

"How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work."

"They told me to spread love wherever I go. Now everyone is complaining about being covered in Nutella. You can never win with some people."

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because she can't find the number 11 EDIT: Maybe the fact she thinks it was called 9-11 was part of the joke?"