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Joke of the Day

"What food are you able to can? Cannibal (can able) food."

"If I ever open a bakery.... I will call it ""The Bread Pit"""

"You know the 4 quarters Lebron joke, how about the Dirk one? I asked Dirk for change for a dollar; he gave me 4 quarters and a dime. He always gives any extra 10%."

"Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards."

"You don't hear much about Snow White's eighth dwarf, but they should never have trusted Clumsy with an axe."

"I had phone sex for the first time the other day... My dick got stuck in the 8! I tried to dial 911 but that just made it worse! It was a rotary!"

"What's the difference between a tsunami and a bear? A tsunami doesn't care that you are faster than your buddy."

"My first time doing standup was a lot like my first time having sex. I finished way too early and when it was over I couldn't stop apologizing."

"How can you find out the gender of an ant? Throw it in the water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant"

"What's an Israeli ghetto called? Palestine."