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Joke of the Day

"Today I learned that 48% of women in the U.S. are battered... and to think I've been eating mine plain for all these years."

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"A bad analogy is like a cucumber"
"I BELIEVE A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE KITCHEN 20% of the time."
"What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken"
"How do you explain this gap in your resume? ""I was in jail."" Okay. Sure you weren't working for Trump's campaign? ""Swear to God. Jail."""
"It's totally amazing how cars run on dinosaur poop or however the fuck fossils work. I'm not a dinosaur scientition over here. Fuck's sake."
"Why was 6 afraid of 7?? Because 7 had Ebola."
"After watching the 6th sense I have been searching all over for the previous five movies with no luck"
"Rain is just God listening to Bon Iver."
"Why was the mathematician stressed out? He was in a dilemma."