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Joke of the Day
"Wife, I am truly truly upset... I must take this out on your vagina."
Next Joke
"Why doesn't Barbie have any kids? Because Ken came in another box."
"Me: goodnight kids Kids: goodnight dad Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT"
"Two goldfish are alone in a tank, One says to the other one, ""have any idea how to drive this thing?"""
"What rock group has four guys and no singers? Mt. Rushmore! Happy presidents day! http://i.imgur.com/N8LF0HU.png"
"Why did 7 8 9? ...Fuck"
"How do you kill a hipster? You drown him in the *Mainstream*"
"There is a fine line between ""important to me"" and ""dead to me."" Don't walk it."
"My wife wanted me to buy something that goes to 200 in one second flat. So I bought her a bathroom scale."
"If you love someone, set them free. If they return... something, something, Justin Bieber's a lesbian."